This is a continuation of my previous post on January 5th and the conclusion of this series:
Continuing with taking steps toward detachment, in addition to Mindfulness and Examination, these additional actions may prove helpful in that process:
Trust – At this point I’m reminded of the cartoon of a scientist writing a formula for a new discovery on a chalkboard where step three in the complex equation says, “And then a miracle occurs.” A puzzled fellow scientist then asks his inventive colleague, “I see, but would you mind saying a little more about step three?” Some call it faith, others wishful thinking; I think of it as trust, trust in something bigger, some greater purpose that allows us to put the attachment in a different light, the light of truth. Trust exposes the truth about the role the attachment plays in our life – is it something that drains or something that fulfills our ultimate concerns? The attachment may also come connected with something or someone we must forgive, letting go of resentments and negative feelings before we can move forward. It’s time to clean the attic, redemption beckons; trust your instincts, letting the measure of peace and joy you begin to feel be your guide on what is truly important for you.
“All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Detachment – Ideally, having progressed through the previous steps should make this stage of the process easier; we’ve identified something that is incongruent with our ultimate concerns, that keeps us from achieving quality in our life, and it must go. As we break the tie, there may be feelings of loss mixed with increased well-being. The desire, anxiety, or fear may be deeply embedded and we feel their pull as we detach – this is normal. We facilitate detachment by keeping these feelings in perspective as we let go and move toward spiritual freedom. Whether it’s clinically true or not, I recall hearing that if we want to remove a habit, we must replace it with another habit, hopefully something healthier. If that is the case for you, the next step can help bring closure.
Engagement – Who said detachment was only about letting go? Sometimes the attachment has been so consuming we have forgotten what life was like without it – removing it can leave a void unless and until we replace it with something more life-sustaining and consistent with our ultimate concerns. It’s time to reprioritize, to turn to family, friends, or faith, to reengage with our passions, find new hobbies, enroll in a class; to take control over the rest of our life with this new found independence. If we find ourselves alone, floundering, repeating old patterns, we should seek professional assistance to obtain the support and accountability needed to effect the desired change.
Finally, return to the first step to mindfully reassess and reflect, keeps life vibrant – like life itself, it’s an on-going process.
Trust exposes the truth about the role the attachment plays in our life – is it something that drains or something that fulfills our ultimate concerns?
A critically ill ICU patient shared his principal concern that he didn’t think he would live long enough to attend his granddaughter’s wedding in two months. Thus informed, the hospital staff worked with his family to hold an event in the patient’s hospital room with the Chaplain presiding over a blessing of the union for the new couple and a recommitment ceremony for the patient and his wife on what turned out to be their 54th wedding anniversary. The family decorated the room, the bride-to-be wore her wedding dress and the patient, who ended up passing away a week later, said, “This means the world to me.”
At times, achieving detachment can be a community project and a beautiful reminder that love is a powerful remedy. Of course it’s our choice how we want to live our life, what and who we connect with for the journey. Exercising detachment can be a day-by-day process where we take control to align our decisions and actions with our ultimate concerns, trusting and surrendering to what we believe is right for us, knowing it is right by the true sense of peace and liberation it brings to our soul.
Blessed are those who trust in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord.
– Jeremiah 17:7-8
They shall be like a tree planted by water, sending out its roots by the stream.
It shall not fear when heat comes, and its leaves shall stay green; in the year of drought it is not anxious, and it not cease to bear fruit.
Reflection questions:
- Is it easy for you to find trust? In others? In yourself? In some greater purpose? If any of these are a struggle for you, how does that effect your ability to let go of unhealthy attachments and achieve a sense of peace, joy and contentment?
Scripture References
Jeremiah 17:7-8
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